Do I need therapy to help me cope with my grief, loss, or change? 

Over the course of our lifetime, each of us encounter change, experience loss, and go through periods where we need to grieve. While painful experiences are inevitable and a normal part of living, sometimes the pain of change and loss feels unbearable.

Sometimes loss or change creates an entirely new reality for us, like a terminal or chronic disease diagnosis, the death of someone important to us, a suicide, a stillbirth, a miscarriage, traumatic events, divorce, infidelity, or disabling injury. 

Some changes may involve more choice or come as a natural part of aging, and they can still feel quite challenging like when blending a family, relocating, taking a new job, empty-nesting or entering retirement.
To help determine if therapy would help as you grieve this change or loss  ask yourself the following:
  • Have I somehow lost my way in navigating this change or loss? Am I clear on my purpose, despite this new reality?
  • Do I feel like a part of me is lost? Do I feel alone or like no one else is impacted the same as me?
  • Am I reliving the loss or regretting the change? Does my mind seem preoccupied by the loss or change?
  • Do I have unrelenting resentment or regret?
  • Has it become hard for me to do things that I used to be able to do? Do I care less about doing things that used to be important to me?
  • Am I isolating myself or withdrawing in ways that are interfering with me moving forward? Do I care about moving forward?
  • Am I overwhelmed and confused?
  • Do I feel desperate to end my own suffering?
  • Am I surprised at how I see myself behaving? Am I way off from where I want to be in how I treat myself, others, and the world around me?
  • Am I afraid of what this change means for me? Am I avoiding the new reality?
  • Am I having difficulty believing or accepting this new reality?
Of course, answering YES to some of these questions is a normal part of grief, particularly early on and especially if the circumstances are complicated or traumatic.  Also, if you typically dislike or struggle with change, you may answer YES to some of these.

​The bottom line is that while grieving loss and change is normal and alerts us  to slow down and heal, sometimes we can get “stuck” in our grief. Even when change is by choice, it’s possible for it to also bring uncomfortable, difficult or unnatural aspects that are hard to navigate.

If you're struggling with grief, loss, or change, my therapy services can help you heal, grow and adjust to your new reality.
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Please contact me to discuss the specifics of your loss or change and explore how I may help you.
If you wish to learn more about how I use mindfulness-based behavioral therapy to help adults throughout Chicago’s Northwest Suburbs who are grieving loss and change, please continue reading.

How I help with grief, loss, and change

I developed my therapeutic approach to grief, loss and change by drawing on my extensive training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and my time working in hospice using the companioning model developed by Dr. Alan Wolfelt.

I approach therapy for grief, loss, and change as if you and I are companions on a very important journey. Despite the common perception that there are distinct stages of grief and loss, the path forward isn’t always clear. There will be obstacles and barriers that we encounter along the way when your mind or heart is overwhelmed with negative self-talk, harsh judgment, unhelpful predictions about what lies ahead, pain, fear, regret and anger. During these times, you will likely feel pulled off track, like you’re heading away from what matters most to you. There may be times along the way where you feel like giving up or you just aren’t very motivated to keep going. And, there may be times where you feel lost.  

There is a popular saying: "the only way through grief is through it". Being a professional grief worker and a survivor of loss to suicide, I am committed to working together to equip you with helpful “tools” for you to carry and use along the way. You'll likely spend only an hour with me each week, so it is important that you have a clear understanding of how to care for yourself outside of my office in your new reality.

Below are some of the “tools” I provide with my approach to therapy for grief, loss, and change recovery:
  • Concrete skills in self-compassion and acceptance. Often with grief, loss, and change, we deny or avoid the most painful parts.  I will teach you how to be with your pain and suffering in a different way. I will guide you in exercises that help you feel what it is like to drop the struggle with your experience, and instead, learn how to make room for it, allow it to be there, and even respond to it with the care and kindness that it and you deserve
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  • Ways for you to respond differently to your painful thoughts.  Typically, as we move through loss and change, we have thoughts, images and memories come to mind as we recall what was lost or changed, or as we imagine our life in the future. You may not have a choice in the thoughts that show up, particularly during times of distress, but you do have a choice in how you respond and what you do when those unhelpful thoughts are with you. These skills for working with thoughts will help you recognize when thoughts pull you off track from healing and growth, and they will empower you to respond in ways that are more helpful to you.
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  • A “values compass” to guide you  when you feel like you’re: losing your way, drifting off track, facing a barrier, or close to giving up. We will work together to determine what matters most to you, particularly while you are grieving change and loss. Humans tend to do better when  our actions are linked to something that matters to us. We will identify actions, big and small, that are based on the things that you want to be about, so when you start being pushed around by the pain, fear, sadness, grief, or regret, you will know what helps you get back on track and heading in the direction of healing, recovery, and growth.

 My therapeutic services for adults experiencing grief, change and loss  are held in the safety of my office in Barrington, Illinois. My office is centrally located in Chicago’s Northwest Suburbs and is  inside a renovated, private, historic home. There is a small, on-site parking area and a lobby that is decorated to provide you with a comfortable area to prepare for our sessions.  You can see pictures of my office on the   What To Expect   page. 

No one lives a pain-free life. Sadly, all of us lose things and people we care about. We grow older and life continues to change. Some losses and changes are harder than others. 

If you find yourself struggling with grief, loss or change, I encourage you to reach out and see how I may help. ​